I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
