im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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