Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
