Just cropdusted the office
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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