I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can't turn off my feet"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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