And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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