my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
