what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
