I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
