it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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