Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
