it was like eating out sand paper
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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