No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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