He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Randomize
