Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
