Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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