if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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