Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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