The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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