It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
