One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize