you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
