i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
