if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
