I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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