So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
