woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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