I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
