Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That accounts for only three of the penises
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
