I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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