Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
