Jerry, you need to find god
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
