Where did you get a picture of my penis
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
