she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
