So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
