I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
