So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
