and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
