Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
