I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
