I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
