are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
