I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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