This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
