I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
