Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize