I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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