Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
