Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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