why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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