She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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