My friends, they love my intelligence
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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