So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
