Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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