weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
