Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
