i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
