Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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