I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
