I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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