i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
