Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
