Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
