My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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