dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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