I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
