I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
